The Great Singaporean Hamburger Battle

Recently I visited Singapore for three days. My wife actually kicked me out of the house. You see, she was going to a conference for the whole week and said to me:

– You're sitting way too much here at the house, travel somewhere! Hey, why don't you go to Singapore?

Indeed, why hadn't I gone to Singapore before?

Perhaps because the bloody flight from Kathmandu costs 1000 USD. And a decent hotel charges you over 100 bux a night (at least my five minute research suggested that. I'm a very lazy and bad travel planner).

So off I went on the wings of Silk Air. And soon I ended up at... MacDonald's.

The Zombie Ad Man Cometh

You see, since there is no McDonald's in Nepal I've been a very good boy and just sticking to the local fast food. But in Singapore you find them all, from KFC to Subway. And even if I rarely stuff myself at McDonald's, I once in a while want to be Morgan "Supersize" Spurlock.

Add to that the fact that I as an ad man cannot resist a good advertisement. So when the McDonald's in Bugis Village ordered me to come in and taste their Mega Mac I had no choice. Like a zombie I walked up to the counter mumbling:

– Gimme a Mega Mac, Gimme a Mega Mac, Gimme a Mega Mac.....

(And apparently I also whispered under my breath "Chip in a double cheeseburger too, will ya!")

The Killer Burger From Outer Space

So there I sat happily looking at my burger box, rubbing my hands with joy. Enjoying that peaceful moment before the Great Hamburger Battle would break out.

I opened the box and my fellow customers jumped when they heard my frightened squeak.

The Mega Mac was indeed MEGA. And worst of all, it was aggressive. A real bully.

– Go ahead wimp! Do you have the guts to even touch me? You sorry sissy! Punk! Get out of here, bring me a REAL MAN!

That was it! I plunged for the Mega Mac with both hands.

– I'm from Finland and I´m a REAL MAN! I'm gonna kick your sorry little ass! I shouted while I tried to get the best possible grip around the Mega Mac.

I love the smell of burger grease in the morning

Ah, it was a beautiful morning showdown at Bugis Village. The double cheeseburger trembled in it's wrapper. The ice cubes in my Coke rattled. The restaurant fell completely silent. The air con went off.

And the Mega Mac got what it deserved.

It was a tough fight, but I won. I really showed that cocky bastard who was the boss.

The Strategy of The Millenium

Now, eating a Mega Mac requires solid strategic thinking. And luckily I'm packed with that stuff.

My strategy? Very simple (as all good strategies should be), it went like this:

"I will consider this as both my breakfast and lunch. That is why I will have no problem eating these two gigantic burgers."

(I don't even know if that is a strategy but who really cares? I got the job done.)

Whoops, this article was supposed to be about why Asians are getting fat. Well, we might get back to that some other time (and anyway it doesn't take an Einstein to figure out that the Mega Mac might have something to do with it).

But now you know what my visit to Singapore was all about.

Please don't tell my wife.

(Go ahead, you know you wanna click me.)